And nobody knows it but me
by Vina
Summary: While Duo was guarding the safehouse when the others were on a mission, something terrible happens...
1. The Problem

Title: And nobody knows it but me Author: Vina Warnings: For now 1x2 (of course), implied suicide and many mentions of rape. Description: While Duo was guarding the safehouse when the others were on a mission, something terrible happens... Disclaimer: Don't own the boys, simple as that. I also don't own Tidus or FFX.  
  
I just want to die. Right here on the floor. I don't want anyone to know what happened, they either wouldn't care at all or would care too much. I never wanna see myself again. I can barely stand thinking of myself as being alive, much less look into a mirror to prove it. I just had to take all of the razorblades out of the house. Someone dulled the kitchen knives, they used to be able to cut anything. I was once told by a goth I met online one night that the skin around the wrists is too tough to cut anyway. Maybe I could slit my throat then. Or hang myself. Or jump from the door that opens to the cockpit of my gundam. Something besides sit here alive and wait for the others to come home. Heero took my gun, said I didn't need it now and they would need it as back up in case theirs ran out of ammo or something, we've been low on ammo for weeks now. They all want me to get an civilian job so we'd have enough money to buy the ammo we need. Oo, it hurts so bad... Not only does it hurt were it's obvious, but it hurts to know that my first time was ruined. I always thought my first time would be special. With my wife or my serious girlfriend or playing truth or dare with the guys while we're all drunk. I never thought it'd be like this. Never. I know why it was done, but I wonder, why me? Why not anyone else? Am I that gullible? Am I that much of a push over? Am I just that weak? God only knows why it was me. I hear the front door open as the other four of us came piling through the door exhausted. I try to force a smile like that guy Tidus did in Final Fantasy X. Time for a cheery act. "Hey guys! How'd it go?" I wonder if that was too cheery. "We barely escaped" Oh, really, maybe you could've used my help instead of leaving me here to guard the safehouse only to get-- Haha, I'm being hysterical again. "So, Duo, what did you do while we were gone? Lay around and watch MTV?" They're laughing at me? If they knew what kind of fucking torture I went through then maybe they wouldn't laugh. Maybe they would be comforting me. Maybe they would go after the guy that did this to me. I can't tell them however or they'll think I'm weak. I just need to stay alive a bit longer until something comes up that everyone knows about and then they'll think I killed myself over that instead of what I really killed myself over. But what would the other thing be? I'm the cheerful optimist, not many things would make me wanna commit suicide. Unless... "Hey, your unusually quiet, who'd you kill and where's the body?" Of all people, Trowa had to make it worse. This smiling is starting to take it's toll, I'd better leave before someone realizes something's wrong. "I'm going out to the corner store, I'll be back" 


	2. The Corner Store

AN: Heero is a little OOC in this chapter, bare with me.  
  
Look at everyone here. They're so happy. So unaware of everything. I should tell the others, but what if they think I'm weak? Then they'll pick a new gundam pilot for Deathsythe. Me and that gundam have been through everything. "Hey Duo! Wait!" Who could that be? Heero? What's Heero doing here? "You're really quiet lately, what's wrong?" Another fake smile. "Nothing!" He doesn't look spazzed at all by my smile. "I've known you for years, you can't hide it from me. I know something's wrong. Now, what is it?" Should I? No. "I'm fine Hee-chan!!" "Bullshit Duo!" Geez, there ain't no getting by this guy. "Ok, there is."  
  
"So, what is it?" How am I going to get by this? Hm... I know! "Since when did you start caring about my feelings?" There, he can't answer that without humiliating his quiet ass. "Since....since..." Ha. Ha. Got him. "Since I..." "Since you...? There, why ask me when you don't even care?" "Wait, I've got something to tell you. If I tell you this, you tell me what's wrong with you, deal?" This shouldn't be too bad. "Deal." Damn does Heero look sincere. Is that even possible? "I love you, I've loved you ever since we got stuck in the same room in the safehouse in Germany." ....He WHAT!? Well, come to think of it, I did like the way he undressed when we were in the same room. I just don't know about now. What if he asks to have sex with me? Then he'll figure it all out. "That's nice, Hee-chan, but I don't know..." "I already told you my secret now tell me yours." Oh shit. Now what do I do? "Um...I finished Final Fantasy X. Did you see the ending of it? Such a depressing ending, they shoud remake it!" There, my pointlessness saved me. Now I can die happier. "You sure that's all?" "Yep!" God, he looks like he's about to strangle me. Maybe I'll die in the process of it. Normally I'd run but there's a possibility he'll kill me. "Now you know my feelings for you, are you scared?" Scared of his feelings? Hell no. I'm just scared of him finding out my real secret. "No, that was just kinda sudden. I'll think about it. I just don't know right now." "Fine, just don't let anybody else know unless you accept them." Great, one more thing to keep from the world. Somebody just go ahead and murder me! "We should be getting back." Yeah, it's getting dark. Just like the night before....  
  
another AN: Sorry for the short chapter. There's a lot said in it, that's why it's so short. 


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